foxlore: (fox 001)
πšπš•πš˜πš›πšŠ πš‘πšŠπš—πšœπšŠπš›πš ([personal profile] foxlore) wrote2019-10-04 11:45 pm

open post.

hmm gonna make this pretty soon
pridecroweth: (Default)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah. Not a lot of sensation. Scar tissue's a bitch like that.

( maybe it's easier to talk about with her than he'd anticipated. but how many times in ten years has he been deliberate about letting other people see them? be this close? not many. the women he's slept with mostly thought they were sexy, or used them as proof positive he must be in dire need of fixing or saving or both, somehow. the real answer is so far away as to almost be on another planet. scars just mean something you've survived.

there are other things that've hurt him worse than bullets in his life.

he's silent a moment. then, )


It was a Kalashnikov. Russia really fucked up with that one, left probably half their second world war armory in Afghanistan after they pulled out in '89. The guns migrated with the militants.
pridecroweth: (pic#13445667)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
( he wants to lift his arm, angle his elbow and bury a hand in those curls, but he doesn't. tell her it's okay. she feels too deeply for other people, and empathy can be soul-crushing when you're new to the idea of emotional tolerance and regulation. she hasn't had people to care about in a long time. )

Shifter things, you know. The crow wanted to live.

( all shifters are inherently hardier than humans. something in their dna. they're stronger, they heal quicker. it doesn't seem to depend on the type of shifter or the durability of the animal in question — he doesn't think he's inherently any weaker than his grandfather was in his prime.

he lifts a shoulder in an absent shrug. )


It healed up fine.
pridecroweth: (Default)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
( he has a very real, very visceral moment where he wants to tell her no. where he wants to keep that old moment to himself, play close to his chest. the scars he'll talk about. the grueling walk through the desert that came closer to killing him than the bullets did. hell, he'd even tell her about the men who did it.

but the coordinates aren't only the place he got shot.

he sucks a breath in between his teeth, hands clenched beneath the still water of the tub. some of flora's questions have, in the past, been invasive, but she hasn't asked any that makes him angry like this one does. and he knows it's not reasonable or rational for that sudden ember of rage to combust into a conflagration, incandescent with the burn, but.

he has to walk himself back. focus on the mist. the air. the ambient sounds of the woods. somewhere, in the distance, a wolf is howling, and maybe that's how he finds center again. )


Sorry.

( for the shift, the change. his father's anger was a storm to be weathered, sam still recalls how the mood would drop like the ambient temperature when the sun had gone down whenever his father came into a room and he'd told himself they'd never have that commonality.

softer, )


Sorry. 'Don't get a tattoo if you don't want people to ask', right?

( breathe in. breathe out. the wolfsong has stopped, and he wonders if they're coming closer. )

It's just a place where a lot of people died.

( they'd been laughing. joking about something stupid. heartbeats between moments, and everything can change in the space of one. military equipment is built by the lowest fucking bidder, rocket launcher meets metal plating and it was like tissue paper. jefferson never stood a chance. none of them did. if he hadn't been so disoriented by the blast, maybe — maybe it would have been different. but it wasn't. )
Edited 2019-10-05 15:28 (UTC)
pridecroweth: (pic#13445667)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 04:00 pm (UTC)(link)
( 'a lot'. it's probably fewer than the number she's imagining. four, in this case. a small quantity of things, in the grand scheme of the universe, but it had been his whole world, then.

she doesn't flinch from the anger, and maybe that's why he leans back into her. just a little. it's instinct to cling to whatever isn't sinking in a storm. )


No, it's fine. ( her prodding. therapy's convinced him, sometimes he needs to talk. ) It was war. You don't go in expecting zero casualties.

( and they'd all been world-weary vets of afghanistan. fighting in the hindu kush. mountain warfare with a population that knew the land like the back of their hands. christ, he lost count of how many times fngs asked him why he, the only native guy in the unit, wasn't better at tracking them. like it's a fucking inherent skill he could just pull out of his ass on command.

afghanistan had cut their teeth. iraq was just more of the same. problem was, they'd let their guard down. complacency. maybe if someone'd been up in the turret scanning the horizon, maybe if they hadn't been goofing off, maybe if they hadn't all been thirty-six hours without sleep, maybe, maybe. each thought is a deeper furrow than the path the bullets took, and he carries them just the same as the scars. )
pridecroweth: (pic#13446093)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
( he surprises himself with a laugh. a little chuff of noise that's almost more crow than human, perhaps in presentation more than sound. )

No, I meant it's fine you're prodding. Six years of therapy has actually managed to convince me I'm pretty fucked up about it.

( there's a million words for what he feels. survivor's guilt is probably the foremost of them. his tone's a bit flippant, but that's just one more way he deals. easier to talk about it like it happened to something else. easier to pretend that infection isn't still below the surface waiting for the right pressure of a sharp knife to lance it out into the open air. )

But trust me, Flora, you wouldn't see that side of me if I didn't know it was. ( his mouth twists into a grimace. the word-choice that follows is deliberate: ) safe.

( for her, first of all. he couldn't control being angry, but he can control the anger. but. safe for him too. to show it. )
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[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 04:52 pm (UTC)(link)
( her hands feel fucking wonderful. between that and the hot water, if the conversation weren't as fraught as it is, he'd be thinking about a nap. instead, he just ducks his head down, stretching out the muscles as she works. )

Just make sure you get a good one. Not every therapist's a fit for every person. The first couple I had really made me want to punch holes in drywall more than anything else. One of them thought it was a great idea to get critical about the war and the American invaders. Loved that. ( a bit of a sharp exhale. ) All I'm saying is, don't throw the baby out with the bath water if it doesn't stick at first.
pridecroweth: (pic#13451671)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
( the wolves are still quiet. and that old part of him still yearns to go join them. but. here's just as nice. better. )

Honestly, all this is doing is convincing me I should put a hottub in my back yard.
pridecroweth: (pic#13446134)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
( he knows that it's wholly possible she's got a chip on her shoulder about the money. he tries not to lord it over anyone, but it's an undeniable part of him — but he didn't have the typical model of wealthy upbringing growing up. his father was frugal. every penny had to be accounted for, clothing was bought second-hand or mended unless it was to be worn in front of the cameras, belongings beyond that had to be earned. sam mowed lawns every day for a summer to buy the nintendo he'd had as a child. and after he moved out of that old, big house at sixteen he'd been as dirt poor as anyone else.

honestly, he had no idea how much money the old man had skimped and saved away until a lawyer was muttering millions into his ear over a poor-quality phone connection. he'd thought at most the house was the only asset of any note, and that he'd wanted to sell. his mother was the one who changed his mind, who'd said that he should take it as a chance to turn a place of misery into something better.

he's not. quite there yet. maybe once he throws out the last useless box of hoarded garbage he will be.

but in the meantime, he has more freedom than he's ever had in his life. money has gone from meaning everything to meaning almost nothing. he's not rich, but he's certainly wealthy. he could quit his job tomorrow and live off the interest of the sundry investments. instead, he pays them back into the community. sets up grants and programs and ways for people to better their lives. all things his father claimed to do but rarely did. he never made a financial move unless it doubled his return somehow. sam feels a kind of petty, vindictive pleasure in spending his money frivolously. )


Deal. Also, god, yeah, that spot. Right there, right shoulder.
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[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
( it actually pulls a deep, pleasurable groan out of him. he doesn't exactly relax, but the tension does ease off, some. sam wouldn't know what to do with relaxation if it bit him, frankly. )

Christ, here. Trade me spots. Your turn.
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[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
( he swaps with her, but. there's a problem. she sinks so low into the water that any motion of his hands against her back is going to create the world's most awkward splashing. he stares at her shoulders, flummoxed. the only solution he can think of off the top of his head is her sitting on his lap, but. he is. not going to suggest that.

instead, he just bursts out laughing. )


Holy shit. You're too short for this, I'm so sorry. We might have to carry this on inside by the fireplace.
pridecroweth: (Default)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
( he just laughs, follows behind her. he grabs the towels they'd set aside, handing her one first before he drapes the second of them over one shoulder. )

Want a lift?

( it's not a long walk to the house, but they're barefoot. and maybe it's an excuse to be near to her, and maybe it's just being chivalrous. either way. )
pridecroweth: (Default)

[personal profile] pridecroweth 2019-10-05 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)
( so, after ensuring she is secure in the towel, he sweeps her — quite literally — off her feet. an old-fashioned bridal carry, with all the bells and whistles. he's grinning a bit as he does it, enjoying the proximity just as much.

kissing her would feel so natural right here. he almost does it, too, half leaned in over her where she's nestled in his arms, but. he holds back, instead transmuting the gesture to a press of his cheek over the crown of her hair. affectionate without being overt. once he's finangled the door open with no small amount of finesse, he sets her gently down. )


Do you have any lotion or something? Your skin'll rub otherwise.

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